Friends

So this entry might sound a little bleak, but seriously sometimes I think, hell maybe the world is really coming to its end.

I swear this year has been the year where there have been the mot like celebrity deaths ever. You can't watch the news without hearing several horrific stories of violence. I swear everyday I watch TV, I hear about some crazy bitch who has killed her babys to get back at her spouse. And I see no end to the war in Iraq or the War ion drugs. The situation in Mexico, swear its getting worse.

But anyway, I wish you all a happy and safe New Years.

Love,
HQ

"I know that it's hard to understand, but I'm doing this for you."
"No. You don't get to make that decision for me. If you walk away, it's for you, because I know what I want."
"Elena, I can't."
"Yes, you can. Don't hide from me."
For a while, I was starting to think that Stephanie Meyer had basically just stolen Stefan when she wrote Edward. And then I heard this. This is the biggest, most important difference between Edward and Stefan. Edward told Bella he didn't love her anymore and pretended that was the reason he left. Stefan told Elena that he was worried about her safety, and that he should leave for her own good. Then, he gave her the chance to say no.
And she did.
And he stayed.

Originally published at Imagine Your Reality. Please leave any comments there.

I visited my family for the holiday season and one the flight over the air plane company I flew with ended up turning what was expected to be a short layover of an hour into a seven hour ordeal of waiting, excuses, and ultimately poor service. Now some latitude can be given because its the holiday season so there’s more travel than usual and this can effect things badly, but when excuses keep piling up and activity doesn’t seem to be occurring, people get angrier and angrier.

Certainly the people I was waiting with got more and more frustrated as all of us were told that it was a mechanical issue, then an issue of getting paper work signed off on, and then the mechanical issue again, until finally we were directed to another plane and flown to our destination. I remember one of the people asking the stewardess of the plan if they were going to give us anything nice like a free snack or alcoholic drink for the delay and was told no. Would it have cost the airline some money to give out a free snack or alcoholic drink? Probably some, but when we compare that with the customer dissatisfaction and the propensity of those people to tell their relatives and friends, that cost is small in comparison to the loss of customers. One of the people came up with a pithy phrase using the company’s name and while we laughed, I couldn’t help but wonder how that phrase could come back to haunt that company.

Customer service sometimes has to become customer repair, where a business makes the extra effort to make up for the mistakes that occur, in order to repair the relationship with the customers. This isn’t the ideal situation and the reality is that the customer will remember that their trust was damaged. But when customer repair occurs, it shows the customer that the business is aware of the mistakes and is willing to do what is possible to repair the damage.

When a business doesn’t engage in customer service or customer repair, the likelihood of retaining the customer sharply decreases and can ultimately hurt the business. A business is only as good as its reputation with its customers and when those customers are upset they want to be heard. If the business won’t listen, they’ll find someone who will, whether it’s in person or on social media sites.

What do all of you think?

There's been a lot knocking around in my mind and I feel like looking at it here.

I have been struggling with my belief in god for a few years now. Things just weren't making any sense. I've seen how churches and some pastors work which made me lose my faith in the church pretty early. I believed that you could still believe in god but church wasn't necessary no matter what they said. I also hate the way people try to fear you into believing in god. Do this and do that or you're going to hell. I was always under the impression that he's supposed to be a god of love. Truth is god is a pretty big asshole. Not gonna go into huge details, but there are plenty of instances where god is just a big douche.

And then my being bisexual became a big issue, especially when I came out to my mother. Course that didn't go well. One of the main things I've heard of course was that I'm going to hell. And like I'm just sitting here thinking seriously? I'm gonna go to hell because I like women? I get put in the same category with the killers, and other bad folks because I like girls. And what about the others who like the same sex. It's not something that they can control it was the way they were made so why should they go for hell for that? And like just other things that didn't make sense to me about the religion and especially the bible. At this point in my life I've completely disassociated myself with christianity. In my opinion it's a pretty big joke. A really big joke. The bible has so many fucked up things in it but people seem to live by the book without even picking it up unless they are in church.

Anyway, the biggest issue is that my family are really big christians. I think I'm the only one in my family who isn't one as far as I know. How do I tell them something like that? Mainly my mother and my grandmother. My grandmother is more of a christian than my mother is, but I know they will both disapprove equally. Think worse of me than they probably already do. Probably try to read bible verses to me, and I'll debate it, share a few verses with them and probably make things worse. Then of course after I tell them they will tell everyone else and I'll definitely be the black sheep of the family. Probably won't even want me around anymore or trying to give me so many  talks or pray for me that I will willingly not come around anymore. I'm just tired of sitting there bowing my head pretending to pray and lying about the reasons I can't make it to church. But at the same time even though I'm not really close with them they are my family. And... I dunno.


My second issue has to deal with my relationship. I've been with Anthony for a year and 2 months. 3 months if you include our slight break up. We got engaged in August, things got extremely rocky around September/October, and things are working back up to good standing now. We had quite a few issues that needed to be addressed. One was giving me my space and another was being a bit more mature, and the other was about being monogamous. The first two are being addressed no problem but it's the last one that I'm having the most problems with. I've been alive for 21 years and for like 19.5 of them I've been monogamous. Polyamory never even entered my mind until a while ago and it just made sense to me.

I was in and out of a few relationships, was with someone else when I met Anthony, the other person and I started having problems and eventually we broke up. That just left me and Tony and no one else. We hit it off fantastically and things moved extremely fast. I was happy, he was happy, and I figured since he loves me and I love him, there's no need to be with anyone else. So, we closed the relationship. Fast forward to September. We start having major issues heavily arguing and tearing each other to shreds. Meanwhile a guy at work comes into my life and of course is everything I could ask for in a guy at the time. Course I hadn't gotten to know him yet and later on learned that he's just as deceitful and manipulative as the people he preached about. But I was falling for this guy and my heart was torn in two different directions. None of this was a secret to either one of them. I don't like to hide things from people and I didn't. My heart was with two guys who both wanted to be monogamous and that was tearing me to shreds for a while. I barely ate, barely slept, barely did anything but sit and go back and forth in my mind. I later told them both that I couldn't be with either of them and tried to move on but couldn't. Tony tried really hard to be understanding and just be a friend to me but both of us knew that wasn't going to happen. I loved him sooooo much and he loved me soooo much and we cared a great deal about each other. Long story short we are working things out and the other guy that I foolishly invested time in being blindly in puppy love I realized had a whole lot of issues that I could and would never want to deal with.

Tony says that he would like to try polyamory again but I feel like he's only doing it to please me. And if one person in the relationship sacrifices something without really wanting to they are going to be miserable. Kind of like I was for a while. And with that sort of imbalance the relationship is doomed to fail anyway. But I just feel shitty. I've been monogamous almost my entire life. And after a little while dabbling in a different lovestyle I can't just let it go for someone I'm in love with? Being polyamorous isn't worth losing Tony over. The boy is my heart and soul. I have never had anyone show me so muchlove and compassion. He sees so much good in me even at my worst times. And he's trying to be everything in his power to bring me out of the dark state that I'm in even though he probably can't. Buuut at the same time why can't he see that my love for him isn't going to lessen just because someone else is in the picture? You shouldn't have to stop love from just..happening. Even though my heart isn't torn between two guys anymore, i'm still in shambles because here I have someone who loves me and wants ONLY me, and I can't just accept that. I've been bitching my whole life about finding someone who can love me as much as I love them and I've got it! But it's like the whole why can't I have my cake and eat it too? I feel like an asshole. I feel selfish, I feel like I don't deserve him... I don't know what to do.

Man this is long.

I hate my job with an undying passion. I HATE, HATE, HATE walmart! Yeah I know at least I've got a job and all that nonsense but my bosses are fucking idiot asshole who shouldn't be in their position in the first place. You have to be an ass kisser to get your way around there and if you actually work hard you get screwed over. Plush the company is cheap and don't wanna give you a cent over what they don't have to. (They are cutting everyones hours this week and they did last week so that they wouldn't have to give them extra money for the holiday). No matter how much I hate it I can't leave. Why? Because I need the money. And getting another job will not solve that. Why? Because I have to get another job anyway. I need  TWO. So if I get another job, I'm still stuck at walmart because it's giving me the extra income to pay off all this shit that I have to pay off. So eventually I'll be working two jobs, probably will hate them both, and since doing that is highly important, I can't go to school even if I wanted to. Just not going to happen. Not for a while. Not gonna work two jobs and go to school. There's just not enough time in the day. And that just... destroys me like you wouldn't believe. I really really really wanna try and make something of myself and not just be this pathetic loser who works at walmart and stays shut up in her house. Every time I see someone who I haven't seen in a while I hate it. The whole what have you been doing with your life thing comes up and I tell them I work at walmart. They ask about school and I tell them I haven't been. Makes me feel shitty. Really shitty. And unfortunately it's going to be that way for a while.


It also really upsets me that I can't even go to the gym without Anthony. I thought that I could and I probably will be able to after a little while but right now I can't. Even when he was there with me when we went I told him I wanted to go home after only being there for like 20 minutes. I was having an issue being around all the people and it was and is a bit overwhelming. I thought that I could just suck it up and do it but I can't. It's upsetting. I wanna get out of the house and do new things but when that time comes I just figure that the house is alot better than going out. And I just go through the same cycle. It doesn't bother me as much that I can't hang out with people that much because I like my house better than outside because I hate people. But I just wanna be able to go to the damn gym and the grocery store and not feel threatened and panicky and all those things. It's stupid.

This was long and horribly written. Sorry.

paleo sent Lupa a few books, including one called Witchcraft Goes Mainstream, by a Brooks Alexander. In said book he quoted from an essay I wrote for New Witch called Invoking Buffy. The very first article I wrote actually. Now the author is an evangelical Christian so you can probably guess what the theme of his book is, and why my article is quoted is because he's dealing with a section on pop culture magic and how magic is becoming mainstream.

According to this author my approach is utter nonsense, make believe, pretend nonsense, or at worst dangerous deluded nonsense. He does get that what I wrote is a technique based approach to working with pop culture entities, but he attempts to argue that there's nothing remotely spiritual about it.

My thought is that its no less spiritual than believing in an invisible, egotistical bully who commands that you love him or suffer the consequences. And at least there is a much more developed mechanism of personal empowerment at work with the process the article describes.

In the end, I feel pretty amused and honored in a weird kind of way that my work got cited in an evangelical Christian Text (even if he did get my last name wrong and that's partially New Witch's fault). I don't agree with his points and I doubt he's read or heard of Chaos magic, or really demonstrates an understanding of the occult subculture. But it is amusing that my work showed up in an evangelical text. Go me!!

I was playing Space Hulk tonight with cobaltie...We are very amused. The words Zergling Rush and infected Terran came up. I particularly enjoyed his use of a dead space marine figure to illustrate the latter. We both had a lot of fun...ended up being a very close match. I'm already starting to think of how I can turn this into a more than two player game. I figure I can get it up to four players, with 3 players as marines and the other player as the alien, with a multi-level ship, or just a honking one level big ship, with marines starting at different sections.

Heh.

The boys were using my computer today for a while. Their mom doesn't like them using computers, but occasionally she doesn't complain too much if I do stuff with them on my computer. And today we looked up flags of the world (because one of the kids wanted to draw flags), and then researched all about the real von Trapp family because the boys got all excited about the Do Re Mi song and started asking all kinds of questions about the story. And then I went to make them some lunch and left them with text edit, so they could type, like they love to do. And then, later on when I went back to my own stuff on the computer I found a recently saved file that was named XX. I was pretty sure that it wasn't some left over porn that had gotten downloaded from a torrent file or something, but I wasn't sure, so I opened it up, and realized that one of the boys had randomly saved a text file while they were playing. The funny things was that when I opened up the file, this is the first thing I saw:

vb





ass;lkfd[tplsd/ghg ryhjjubi
aaaaaaaaaa

And one of the boys was rather obsessed with my bum earlier in the day...

(by the way, they do know how to write some words on the computer, but they really just love banging on the keyboard the way I do, fast and furious, so mostly what they write is usually that sort of gibberish.)

One of the reasons why I'm happy to participate in the studies at Harvard and MIT when I can is to provide them with some results that are out of the ordinary, so that they get a better idea of the range of human behavior, rather than just the average. But a whole lot of the studies that get listed exclude people like me (not a college student, and/or older than 35), so you know that many of the findings reported in scientific journals are automatically biased and lacking in real representation of humanity as a whole. And even when the more interesting and/or mature people like me do give them data, what percentage of the time do they delete it for being "unusual"?

Personally I think it's far better to include all the trees in the forest, if you want to study the forest, even if some of those trees are bonsai, or cork, or trufula trees...

The Weirdest People in the World is a bit of scientific food for thought.

jury duty is done. I'll grocery shop, and then do a bit of work stuff and likely spend the evening holed up in my nice comfy home or next door playing games such as dragons age origin or space hulk, cause I don't want to do anything too thought process oriented until I get caught up on sleep.

Originally published at Imagine Your Reality. Please leave any comments there.

I hear about return on investment quite a lot when it comes to social media. Businesses want to know what the return on investment is for using social media, but it’s a hard question to answer if they haven’t even invested the time or effort, the investment, in social media. And of course they may ask, “We;ll tell us how other businesses have done?” It’s a good question to ask, but ultimately looking at how other businesses performs using social media can only reveal so much, especially when the reality of social media is based in large part on the relationships you build with the people you are interacting with.

The ROI happens when you invest and you’ve spent some time actually using social media consistently. If you use it inconsistently the ROI will actually be inconsistent as well. This is true not just for social media, but business in general. You don’t get a return unless you are willing to invest and then then the return you get is usually measureable to the investment you put in.

ROI is bottom line thinking. And yes businesses need to think of the bottom line. But they also need to recognize that to get to the bottom line actions need to occur, processes need to happen, and relationships need to be built. Without all of that, no bottom line can be achieved…or rather the bottom line will be in the red.

Don’t just think of the bottom line. Think of everything that has to occur to get to the bottom line. Think of the process, the actions, the details, how you will get to that bottom line. If you want a specific bottom line think of what you need to invest to get there. Return can only happen when you’ve planned out what you will do to get that return! This applies to all areas of business, and it also applies to social media

The last time I took this quiz, on November 29, 2008, it said that my rainbow was shaded blue and brown. That was weird, and nothing it said about me made any sense.
This time, it says I'm shaded pink, and everything makes sense.
I dare say that this means I know myself better now than I did last year.
And that, my friends, is my reminiscence for 2009.

And I am reading the Satanic Verses.

My genial cosmopolitanitarianism, let me show you it.

ETA: My father just won understatement of the day:

"Tess and I visited the Goya exhibition at Manchester Art Gallery to-day. Powerful etchings but somewhat macabre."

Goya? Macabre? Whodathunkit.

It started that morning.
"Let me get this straight," Matt said, leaning against the scarred body of his ancient Ford sedan when Stefan approached him before school. "You want to borrow my car."
"Yes," Stefan said.
"And the reason you want to borrow it is flowers. You want to get some flowers for Elena."
"Yes."
"And these particular flowers, these flowers you've just got to get, don't grow around here."
"They might. But their blooming season is over this far north. And the frost would have finished them off anyway."
"So you want to go down south--how far south you don't know--to find some of these flowers that you've just got to give to Elena."
"Or at least some of the plants," Stefan said. "I'd rather have the actual flowers, though."
"And since the police still have your car, you want to borrow mine, for however long it takes you to go down south and find these flowers that you've just got to give to Elena."
"I figure driving is the least conspicouos way to leave town," Stefan explained. "I don't want the police to follow me."
"Uh-huh. And that's why you want my car."
"Yes. Are you going to give it to me?"
"Am I going to give my car to the guy who stole my girlfriend and now wants to take a jaunt down south to get her some kind of special flowers she's just got to have? Are you crazy?"

( 2009 in review )

 

I'm spending New Year's Eve with friends so I decided to get this years In Review out early.

And hey, look at that, Livejournal let me cut it.

It was a nice christmas. Everyone came over our house Christmas eve to hang out, talk and get very, very drunk, as Scots do best, and Christmas was spent at my grandma's. We had a rainy christmas as opposed to a white one, but at least it wasn't bloody freezing out. It was a nice few days.

I also got to see people I haven't seen in years... two good friends that disappeared to the other end of the country, for two different reasons. One went for college, hoping to get on the radio and get a name for themself while holding their own broadcast from their apartment. The other was made to join the military, and went for basic training. I'm glad I got to see them... its been a little over 2 years since I've seen either, and had been beginning to wonder if I ever would again. What would blow them back in this direction? Or, how could I get to them? But sometimes things happen just right, and up comes exactly what you wanted from nowhere. Its a bit bittersweet, because while I got to see and spend time with them, it may be the last time for a long time that that happens, particularly for my friend in the military. I don't know what they're setting him up for, what assignment or program he's on, because he's not allowed to talk about it. That does not bode well in my mind. And the 'basic training' he and several others are being put through should be- is, in the real world- illegal. Things are going to get more intense now that his first year is done, and it might be several years before he's given leave again. By that time, he might be dispatched on whatever they're putting him up to. I'm more than a bit scared.

My other friend is a wandering soul. More of a nomad now than anything... I imagine it won't be long before she packs up and heads elsewhere from where she's currently living in the midwest. That's good and that's bad. Its an unimaginable experience to see this country like that, living briefly in each place, being familiar with everywhere and meeting countless people, making innumerable friends and picking up knowledge and beauty left and right. But it's dangerous to live this way. You never get real close with anyone, no one's a tried and true friend that you know will help you if necessary. Its hard to keep up with ID, hard to find work, difficult to get a degree or finish out college... good and bad experience. I guess its just the way you look at it. I admire the way she lives her life, and it also makes me worry. I just hope the wind will blow her back this way every once in awhile, so we don't forget each other.

I got some horrible news as well. There was a little boy I got to know through my friend's boyfriend, because they're distantly related. Sweetest little kid, only 8 years old... I found out that he was hit by a car last week. He didn't live.
That just blows my mind. I keep rethinking the few memories I have of him, and just think its unbelievable that such a sweet, happy kid is gone now. He nicknamed me 'Indian princess'- the boyfriend told him I was Indian(an adult would care less, but he knew an 8 year old would think thats the shit, hehe), and the only picture he had of me to show him was a pretty unfortunate one of me in a blinding pink Glinda costume my friends made me try on. So he put the two together and called me that constantly. He made me a necklace. We talked a few times. I barely knew him, but jesus did he get into my heart fast. And a series of little mistakes created an irreversable loss. I'm just sad about that. I can't imagine how his family is taking it.

I don't know if I'm getting back into college for this semester. I had another payment due, and didn't have the money... they don't let you sign up for the next semester unless you have the last one fully paid off. Finally, after working two jobs and draining my savings account I can pay it. But by now I think its too late... the next semester starts on the 15th, I think. I doubt any classes still have any availability. This also means I have no health insurance, as the guidelines were that I was on a plan as long as I was enrolled in college. Not that I need it, but now that I potentially don't have it, I'm practically a sitting duck for the humorless forces of nature to take over. xD And according to that bastard Murphy, that's exactly what'll happen.

At least Christmas was good, and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna have a good New Years, despite some of the stuff weighing me down, mentally and monetarily, hehe. I have two options- 1) The regular, going to a friend's house and hanging out with everyone all night long. 2) A new one, joining a pretty big group of folks from various tribes- mostly Ojibwe- in Ohio for a little celebration of our own throughout the day, and holding a sweatlodge as we pass into the new year. I'll get to see my friends on the 2nd, as another annual party happens that day as well... so I think I'm going with a new experience. Lets hope the new year is better and brighter for everyone. Hope everyone had a good holiday :)


I feel like sharing a little music... I've been listening to this all day. Tom Waits is a powerhouse of music, and damn if it doesn't hit your soul and fly with it. Don't mind the German at the start, hehe

Originally published at Imagine Your Reality. Please leave any comments there.

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Review of the Wealthy Speaker by Jane Atkinson

If you want to become a paid, professional speaker, then you need to read this book. In it you’ll learn a lot about the business of speaking as well as how to market yourself as a professional speaker. Most importantly you’ll learn that what makes a speaker successful isn’t just create content or even a great marketing plan, it’s lot of practice and willingness to become the best possible speaker while developing great content and great marketing. This book helped me see what I was already doing right and what I could do even better to help me advance my professional speaking career. It also shows a realistic timeline for how long it can take to become a truly successful wealthy speaker.

5 out of 5

I updated the input and output needs diagrams from last night, with some more appropriate terms, and a few other tweaks, too. Check them out, if you want.